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Danny tried to watch television, but couldn’t concentrate. He went over for a quick drink before closing time only to find John secreted in the back with a couple of girls.
He left the drink half-finished and went home.
He felt as if he could hardly get his feet up the stairs. He unbuttoned his shirt and dropped it on the chair. He peered through the gap in the curtains. No sign of him. Probably poking one of the stupid cows out the back of the pub. He dragged the curtains shut.
He pulled his clothes off and climbed under the sheet. For the first time in his life he wished he could cry.
The back door slammed. Danny held his breath. But it was only Rab. He recognised the whistling as he came upstairs.
He must have dozed, although he could not comprehend how he managed it. He was startled to hear the toilet flush and the bathroom door bang. His mother? No, whoever it was came down the hall and went into John’s room, banging the door again. Pissed, by the sound of it.
Danny peered at his clock. 12:34. Where the hell had he been till this hour? Christ, he had. The dirty bastard had been fucking some bitch behind the pub. Where was ‘desperation’ now?
Danny punched the pillow and buried his face in it. Finally he was crying, tears of humiliation and rage.
Carried away with his own melodrama, he cried till he hiccupped and then hiccupped till he was sore. “Shit,” he hicced again and swung upright, scrubbing at his itchy face. Christ, what a dickhead. He needed a drink.
He crossed the floor, opening the door carefully, and was shoved back into the room. He didn’t even grunt. He staggered back and sat down plump in the chair by the window.
John closed the door quietly. His white shirt was unfastened to his waist, but still tucked in. He was barefoot. He looked as if he had been disturbed undressing. “Hello, baby.”
Danny stood up, then sat down again, realising he was stark naked.
“Ready for me, I see.” John began to pull his shirt out from his trousers.
Danny stared at him in disbelief. He had to be joking.
John began to unbuckle the heavy belt on his jeans.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” Danny finally blurted out. “You go off fucking some bitch behind the pub and then come up here…”
“Quiet, Danny. Mum’s next door, sleeping but lightly.”
Danny glared at him and went on in a low voice, “You come up here expecting… expecting…” But he couldn’t say it, couldn’t put it into words.
John raised his eyebrows. “Go on, expecting what?”
Danny clamped his lips shut, would say nothing more. John finished unbuckling his trousers, undid the button, and then stopped. “Expecting to fuck you too? Oh, baby, have some faith. I can manage two in one evening. No sweat.”
Danny was immediately furious. “Don’t you dare…”
John laughed suddenly, richly, as if he were genuinely amused. “Just like his mother, listen to him.” He mimicked, “Don’t you dare.” He laughed again. “I’d like to see you stop me.”
Danny hurled himself at him, head down, knocking him flat onto the bed, pummelling him with his fists. The bed thumped against the wall.
John grunted with surprise. Every fucking time this little bastard caught him on the hop. He got a hand free and punched Danny in the kidneys – once, twice, three times, with low, short, hard jabs.
Danny flinched away, trying to avoid the blows, and at that moment John pushed him. He fell onto the floor, flat on his back, the impact knocking all the wind out of him.
John scrambled off the bed and knelt on his chest, pulling his head round by the hair, and hissed, “That’s it, wake the whole fucking house, then we can be rolling around the floor naked, at one in the morning, with plenty of explanations, and every one a winner.” He pressed down sharply with his knee. Danny winced, gasping for air, then lay quiet, exhausted of everything.
John got up and sat on the edge of the bed. He started searching his pockets for a cigarette. Danny lay on the floor, unmoving.
“Get up.” John nudged him with his foot.
Danny remained immobile.
“I said, get up.” He reached down and yanked Danny up by the hair, dragging him up onto the bed.
Danny wouldn’t cry, not again, not in front of him.
“Here.” John thrust the cigarette into his mouth. Danny took it between numb lips. “Inhale,” John said. “You know, suck.”
Danny lifted a shaking hand and inhaled the cigarette, passing it back to him.
“Good boy.” John fell back abruptly on the bed. “Now I want you to see something.”
Danny turned his face away.
“You’re going to look, whether you like it or not. Now turn around.”
Danny half turned, glancing over at him. He jerked his face away again.
John yanked him round by the arm. He was lying there, jeans undone, crammed down tight under his balls, squeezing them up fatly, his cock red and angry, sticking up his belly.
He grabbed Danny’s hand, wrapping his fingers round the sticky head, pushing himself up into it, squeezing the fingers tight round himself, thrusting into it. “Feel how stiff that is? Know how it gets that stiff?”
He gave Danny’s arm a yank, pulling him down onto his lap as he fell back. He grabbed Danny’s hair and shoved his face into his groin, levering his hips up into his face. “Think this is what I want?” And he laughed unpleasantly, grinding Danny’s face against his erection. “You want this.”
And he pressed his fingers into Danny’s jaw, and forced his mouth wide open.
NINE
It was September.
Where had August gone? Flamed and incandescent, as ephemeral as a match.
They had started refencing the fields to be in good time for the winter. They had all gone out in a group: Ian, Rab, John and him. They had been working down the back pasture for the entire morning, even eating their lunch down there. It was the first time he had worked with John in a fortnight.
Come 2 p.m. they had run out of fence wire. Danny had been sitting watching John work, with something close to hate. It felt odd and flat inside, as if something within him had died. He felt at that moment as if he had hated him all his life.
Occasionally John would wink at Rab as if they shared some great joke. Maybe they did. Maybe he was saying, ‘Guess what I got Danny to do last time I was pissed?’
And he’d flex that thick right arm of his – John’s powerful wanking arm; bring you off in four seconds, that arm, he’d timed him – and they’d laugh some more and wink some more, just like they were doing now.
“Well, we’re out of it then, aren’t we?” John ran a hand through his hair, exasperated. Ian waited patiently for instructions.
John turned to Rab “You’re no fucking use with that hand. You stay here with boy-beautiful.” He didn’t even look at Danny when he said it. “Ian, you can come with me.” He looked at Rab again. “Give you a good excuse to fart about, Hardman.”
Rab laughed, giving him the finger. Oh, they loved each other, these two.
Ian and John drove off. Rab turned and smiled at him. It looked almost sheepish. He was picking at the bandage on his left hand. He’d cut it yesterday on the wire cutters. “Might as well sit down.”
They sat down on the empty bobbins and lit up cigarettes.
“Hot?” Danny asked him unexpectedly. Rab looked at him, but Danny was looking out over the fields disinterestedly. Rab uh-huhed cautiously, aware of something tenuous hiding in the question.
“Me too.” And Danny gave him an odd look, odd enough to make Rab colour up. He’d been doing this for the past two weeks, a million dirty little hints just like this one. He’d tried to read nothing into it, but the tone of Danny’s voice said different. Rab realised he was holding his breath. His heart was thumping uncomfortably in his chest.
Danny threw his cigarette down and trod it into the grass as if he’d come to a decision, then he looked away again as if his mind had detached itself once more, off at yet another tangent. “Want to do it then?” he said abruptly, standing up.
“What?” Rab blinked up at him, shading his eyes against the sun.
Danny shrugged one shoulder as if to say, I don’t know, then said, “Whatever you want.”
Rab still wasn’t grasping. “I don’t get you…”
“Sex. Whatever you want. And don’t say you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’ve seen you watching me.” Danny looked at him steadily. It was almost challenging.
Rab wet his lips then managed to croak, “Here?” then realised what he was saying. “Are you nuts?” he added, infusing more annoyance into his tone, then he spoiled it again by saying, “They’ll be back in a minute.”
Danny smiled for the first time. It was soft, secretive. It was a beautiful smile, seductive. It made you understand just why he was considered one of the best looking boys in the village – if you’d been dense enough to miss it in the first place.
“I may not last a minute, so who’s sweating?” The smile slid away. His eyes seemed to grow darker, like John’s did when he was angry. “Come on, Rab, don’t make me beg.” He cocked his head and said very softly, “You never know how long you’ll have to wait till next time.”
Rab looked away, his face flaming. “Christ, I thought I was imagining this. I never really believed… not you. Anyway, I wasn’t looking at you. Why should I have been looking at you?”
“Last chance, Rab.”
Rab looked up at him.
Danny smiled.
Rab stood up quickly, not looking him in the eye. “If you tell anyone…” He was mortified by Danny’s cold-bloodedness, his own willingness.
“Up on the lorry,” Danny commanded
Rab climbed up and sat on the edge.
Danny smiled up at him, shaking his head. “Over there.” He hoisted himself up and stood beside Rab, reaching out his hand. “Up against the cab.”
Rab took it and let himself be pulled up. “What? Standing up?” He looked around him. “But we can be seen up here. It’s like being on a fucking stage.”
Danny came up against him, edging him backwards with his body until he was up against the back of the cab. “That’s the whole idea.” He watched Rab’s face intently. “It’s supposed to be a turn-on. Exhibitionism, you know?” And his smile had something malevolent about it. His hand was at Rab’s belt, undoing his clothes.
Rab caught at his hands. “But what if they come back?”
Danny tugged his hands away. “Well, you’ll have to be fast, won’t you, baby?”
Rab could feel his hand slide inside his jeans, then he was squeezing, groping. “What, not stiff?” He sounded as if he was amused, not irritated.
“What d’you fucking expect, stuck up here?” Rab looked round him nervously.
“Maybe you don’t want it then?”
Rab felt suddenly angry. “Yeah, maybe I don’t.” And he tried to re-fasten his trousers, but Danny yanked them down with a sudden jerk, pulling his T-shirt up into a bunch under his chin.
He stood exposed to all the world, naked from neck to thigh, his cock flaccidly white in the bright light. “What the fuck…?” He tried to cover himself with his hands, but Danny pushed his body in the way.
“Very nice.” It was breathy, excited. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you naked before. Correct me if I’m wrong.”
Rab followed the direction of his eyes. He looked back up into his face, flushed and almost vindictive, and felt the sudden volte-face of lust. Abruptly his cock fattened, lengthened. He felt his face grow hot with shame.
Danny stood back, still holding his bunched-up shirt. “I see you’ve changed your mind.”
Rab’s cock stood out straight from his body. He said nothing.
“Oh well, maybe not.” And Danny let his shirt go and turned from him.
Rab called, “Danny, wait…” before he could think.
Danny turned slowly. Rab slowly lifted his T-shirt in offering, but Danny stood where he was, hands in his pockets. Suddenly Rab wanted this more than he had ever wanted anything in his life.
“Ask nicely,” Danny said.
“Please.”
“Please what? ”
Rab groaned and closed his eyes. “For pity’s sake, Danny, just do it, will you?”
Danny stepped forward and touched his cock lightly. His hand felt outrageously cool. “You only had to ask, baby.” And then, incredibly, Danny kissed him, slowly, poisonously, like a drug.
Rab felt himself liquefy underneath the feel of his mouth. His lips travelled down Rab’s neck, onto his chest. Danny got down on his knees.
Rab felt himself tauten with excitement. For two weeks Danny had been dangling the possibility of this before him, waiting until they were alone, then shamelessly flirting with him until Rab couldn’t believe he was actually seeing it. Not Danny. Never in a million years. For years he’d secretly nurtured this fantasy. Only now could he confess it to himself. He still couldn’t believe it. Yet here he was, kneeling before him, his white skin pale and cool against Rab’s brown belly.
Danny spread his hands against the cab at either side of Rab’s body and kissed the head of his cock. Rab closed his eyes, unable to bear the sight of him nuzzling him.
Danny sucked the head in slowly, using only his mouth, keeping his hands firmly pressed to the cab. Rab thought he would die. He made no noise, his eyes opening with the unbearable tension of it. In the dark, he was alone with him, and he couldn’t stand that. But it was no good. He couldn’t see the fields, feel anything, register anything but that intensive suckling. He wanted to come, now, but it was too soft, too pulling. He needed friction.
Harder, harder, for Christ’s sake.
But Danny just kept gently mouthing his glans, teasing it right out to the tip, letting it come out of his mouth, then softly sucking it right in again.
Rab thrust into his mouth, trying to move it faster, but Danny simply pulled his head away, letting him fall out every time he attempted it. So he stood still. It was torture to stand still, just as Danny intended it to be, but he stood like a statue, his knuckles whitely gripping his T-shirt, the metal brace bar digging into his back. He watched Danny’s mouth, full and lascivious, wrapped around his cockhead, his eyes half-closed, and knew he was going to die. He wasn’t going to come, he was going to die. He could see faint lights popping at the corners of his vision.
“Please, Danny…” He tried to thrust again. Danny let him go, then used his teeth to gently pull him back into his mouth.
“Harder…” Rab whispered.
He could feel a dull ache right round from his anus to his shaft. He felt as if his bowels were being sucked right out of his cock. Then he saw the van, the little green jolly-van, flashing through the hedgerows before it came to the gate. How long till it came to the gate? His heart stopped beating.
“Oh no, shit, Jesus…” He jerked forwards.
Danny’s hands shoved him back, teeth closing on his cock like a vise, only there was no pain at all. Instead, Rab felt it go through him like a match in a bale of hay. He grabbed Danny’s head to him as the van nosed through the gate.
This time Danny let him thrust his cock deep in his mouth, urging his head forwards as if his throat had opened right up and he intended to swallow him right down it.
Rab watched the pick-up bump over the cattle grid as he impaled Danny’s head on his body. “Oh no, oh God, oh no…” and he came just as John looked up and saw them standing there.
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